we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize