Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
