saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
