I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
