it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
