You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying