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Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
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