Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
