A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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