for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We're too hungover to prance.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
