i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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