I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
