Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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