rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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