you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
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Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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