I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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