I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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