guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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