He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The air taste purple.
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