They should really pass out barf bags in church
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
