she kept yelling 'call me bella'
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
