I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
