mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
