I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
