i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
