is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
