Where did you get a picture of my penis
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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