My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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