Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
