I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
