Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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