Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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