I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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