every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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