Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
