Just fell off a train. Bad.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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