you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
