Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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