Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
