I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
