garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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