Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
