I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
