Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You pole danced in your parka.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
