the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize