Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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