im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
