Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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