I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
