She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
