I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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