You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
