Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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