So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
