SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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