Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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