My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
