booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
