I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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