So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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