the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
