I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
