I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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