my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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