Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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