there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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